Conversation recorded & transcribed October 13th, 2024, at NOT NOT; A DIY space where Emily does tattoos sometimes.

MATT CIARLEGLIO: Okay. Here we go. Time for some spiciness. How are you?

[Tattoo machine buzzes and session begins]

EMILY KEMPF: Excellent. [both laugh]

MATT: What did you have for breakfast today?

EMILY: I had no breakfast. I drink coffee. Then I eat around one. I had eggs, bacon, and crackers. Now I'm having Diet Coke. 

[Moves tattoo pillow for maximum comfort] Is this helping?

MATT: I don't know. Thank you very much.

EMILY: Perfect. I'm a yoga teacher.

MATT: Really? 

EMILY: No. [both laugh] 

MATT: I think that we first met when BACKPOCKETS played in my basement in 2009. We had the same small red accordion, and I recall thinking that we would probably get along pretty okay for that reason. Do you remember that show?

EMILY: I do! What was that place called again? 

MATT: Ottoman Empire. 

EMILY: That’s right! 

MATT: You used to live in Atlanta?

EMILY: [tattoo machine buzzes loudly] I told you this was going to be horrible.

MATT: It's great. Pain is fun.

EMILY: Hard to love is now tattooed on you forever. 

[both laugh]

I grew up in Atlanta. I was there basically my whole life. I left home when I was 17 and went to upstate New York for a year and then went back to Atlanta and then started playing music two years into my sobriety. Sobriety is important to me in this aspect because I had no idea I could sing and I had no idea I was going to be in a band or that I was musical and I started touring and playing music in 2008 and started touring by 2009 and have been on the road since then, mostly DIY. 

MATT: That's impressive! 

EMILY: Isn't that crazy? I was like, this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life, and I did it.

MATT: That's incredible. So, you were in Atlanta, and you got sober there. [tattoo buzzes loudly] That’s spicy and kinda tickly.

EMILY: To me, music is a gift of sobriety because I don't think I would have figured it out otherwise.

MATT: That's very beautiful. 

EMILY: It was just too scary. When I got sober, I learned how to walk through fear sober and one of my fears was being on stage and then the fear transformed into extreme manic excitement [laughs]. It's a very similar frequency but it's so much joy. I'm drunk on joy but it's not like being drunk.

MATT: That's great! I'm about two years in and getting that feeling of joy and excitement back and it feels so good. It's probably a testament to an addictive personality but I kind of seek that feeling out a lot more now. It's like, oh yeah it feels really good to feel good! Being able to feel safe and feel joy. Feel everything, really. 

EMILY: But now we do it au naturale!

MATT: How did you end up in Chicago? You've lived here on and off for a bit. 

EMILY: Chicago was Billy Mitchell. Billy Mitchell's Dad lived here and we came here in our band together SUPERMAGICAL. We stayed at Bart and Miranda's [MELKBELLY] house for like a month before MELKBELLY even existed. 

MATT: Was that at War Loft? 

EMILY: It was the Pilsen one not the other one but I have played shows at that one too but I didn't remember what it was called. Was it War Loft? 

MATT: It was called War Loft. I think.

[Flute music plays softly in background]

EMILY: I think that's when I first met them when they were at the big weird one. OK, I feel like it's worse down here [indicates toward hip].

MATT: It's okay.

EMILY: Your body's reacting mega. 

MATT: The flute music's helping.

EMILY: So, we moved here. I wasn't planning on staying here [in Chicago] all the time but then we stayed at Bart and Miranda's for a month in the store front part. I slept on the floor in a sleeping bag. That was crazy. Then I moved into a room in a Logan Square apartment. Across from where that horse is. Do you know that horse? It's like a Western store. 

MATT: Alcala's?

EMILY: Maybe. Also, this is the time when I had scabies. I was 29.

MATT: I had scabies from touring once. I wonder if we got scabies from each other. 

EMILY: We might have. I had Saran wrapped my car seat so that I wouldn't keep getting it because I was on tour and I have to keep sitting on my car seat so I'll just Saran wrap it and do the death cream. 

MATT: Oh, the death cream. You have to put everything you own in plastic bags for like two weeks.

EMILY: And that's when I started dating Jason.

[both laugh]

That's when we fell in love. That was 2014 era and then I ended up being in Chicago for 8 years. That was the beginning though. It was Billy, SUPERMAGICAL, then DEHD was born. Then we broke up, but I kept doing DEHD and I kept staying in Chicago and I got my first apartment by myself in Pilsen. Never lived alone.

MATT: How did that feel? 

EMILY: It was really scary at first. I literally thought I was being haunted by a ghost. I was so scared of choking and dying alone. That's what my fear was! I was like, what am I choking on? But I survived and then I learned and I loved it. I did have roommates. They were rats. The rats from the street came inside. 

MATT: I guess everybody has roommates in Chicago. 

EMILY: That's good. Then I kind of left but not really. I was in Taos, New Mexico. Now I'm back. So, I've never really left. It's pretty much a decade strong here. 

MATT: Well, welcome back-ish?

EMILY: Thanks.

MATT: What is one place you would want to visit on Earth before the Earth explodes? 

EMILY: Really good question. First, I was like a volcano but I don't really know why. I don't know if I want to see a volcano. I want volcano energy so maybe that's Hawaii but that seems not interesting. Bali seems cool. Yeah. Bali.

MATT: I'm sure they have volcanoes. So, this is more of an opinion than a question but the new DEHD record, Poetry, is fantastic.

EMILY: Thank you!

MATT: One of my favorite things about your band is how relatable the songs are. Each song has its own sort of story arc but allows the listener to apply their own lived experience to it, making it feel like their own personal soundtrack to doing fun things that are sometimes sad. Good job. I love the record. [tattoo machine buzz] Hello!

EMILY: Thank you. I'm sorry.

MATT: Don't apologize. It’s fine. Anyway, Hard to Love has been hitting lately. To me the song feels like it's about how hard love in general can be. Everyone thinks that love is this magical floaty thing but in reality, it's quite hard because of all the feelings. Love is pretty cool though. Love rocks. What does that song mean to you? 

EMILY: Yeah, it does! It's about me choosing people who are hard to love because they're either drunk or have a lot of drama. They have a lot of baggage, or they're really lost, or they need something. It's a pattern that's negative for me because I don't feel as broken as them. This is a weird way to put it, but I choose people that are very broken in obvious ways. So, Hard to Love. That song's specifically about one of my friends that I started dating in Taos and he was an alcoholic, but I was enamored by him. I'm writing about this enamored glorification of a drunk man but it’s actually sad and it's dark. He was a sweet drunk man so that's positive but there's a lot of scary ones. Everyone's always writing love songs about where have all the good men gone and all that shit. I'm like, I don't want a good man! I want a fucked up, broken, left behind, disheveled, scary man. That seems to be what I want!? So, I wanted to write a song about it because I know this is really relatable. It doesn't have to be gendered but it happens to be in this case. But yeah, that's what that's about.

MATT: When will the world get a VAIL reunion show? 

EMILY: Oh my god there was gonna be one this December but I didn't have my shit together for it! I don't have any songs but I never forget about VAIL. One day there will be one. It's not over, it's just deep sleeping.

MATT: What is one song that always brings you joy when you hear it? 

EMILY: Oh my god this randomly came to my head and I don't know why. Do you remember that band Junior Senior?

MATT: No. 

EMILY: Okay they're called JUNIOR SENIOR and they have a song that's like “Everybody dance until you get naughty!” and it's like a father and son duo. It's a really cute song. That's the one that always brings me joy. I guess.

MATT: What is the worst pick up line you've ever heard?

EMILY: Oh my god. Some people are like “you got nice tattoos”. I'm like, shut UP! Literally shut the fuck up. I don't know if that's a pickup line. Unless you're my friend and you're actually talking about them in a normal way, not just yelling at me on the street.

MATT: Fuck. That segues really well into the next question; When did you start tattooing?

EMILY: Oh my gosh great question! I'm going to make you lay on your back now so I can get more stretch. I'm going to make you do some awkward stumbling. Exactly. Yes. Stay there.

I started tattooing ‘cause I was trying to make money to go on tour. Funnily enough I started stick-and-poking. I wasn't meaning to become a tattoo artist. I started sticking and poking for fun and then I got really good at it and people really wanted tattoos from me and it escalated into me doing my own art and then everybody really loved my weird little mystical art. Then I got a machine. How you doing? This is hard for me as well. 

MATT: You're doing a great job.

EMILY: Okay. I've always been a drawer. Always done art. So, it makes sense that I would do drawing for a living. I'm a Virgo. 

MATT: Hey me too.

EMILY: So that means we’re good at organizing, I think. I was working at Wyler Road, and I kept getting my shifts covered ‘cause I was tattooing and then actually your sister [Christine] was like “Why do you work here? You should just quit. Your tattooing is popping off! And you're always late.” [both laughs]

I put my two weeks in and I started tattooing. I thought there's no way that I can be allowed to tattoo full time ‘cause this is so fun! How can I be allowed to make money doing something I'm good at and that is fun for me!?

MATT: That's great. You do so much cool shit! So, you're a Virgo. When's your birthday?

EMILY: September 3rd. I just turned 40! 

MATT: Hell yeah, happy birthday! Getting older is awesome.

EMILY: It is. You're smarter and hotter. You're better at stuff. Everything gets better and then you realize age doesn't matter. But it's sad that you don't know that when you're younger. Even though we're not old.

MATT: We're in the prime of our youth or whatever. Did you get any good presents?

EMILY: I got some muck boots from my Mom.

MATT: Muck boots? 

EMILY: They're rubber boots. It's a farmer's boot. 

MATT: What's your horse's name? 

EMILY: I have two horses. One's name is Cloud and one is Marlo. Cloud is 17, Marlo is 6. They live in upstate New York right now. I have three dogs - Bert, Bijou, and Little Girl. Little Girl was an accident. I found her on the side of the highway. 

MATT: That's nice that you saved her.

EMILY: She's the best dog in the world. It's crazy. She's a weird alien. She's a mini Aussie and she's like a little human.

MATT:  Maybe she is an alien.

EMILY: She's George Clooney. 

MATT: The George Clooney of dogs. 

EMILY: This is not a dog. It looks like a dog but it's not a dog. This is something else.

MATT: Enchanted in a dog's body?

EMILY: It's an enchanted animal! She's one of those.

MATT: You want to talk about sobriety a little bit? 

EMILY: Yes. I'll say this; You can be struggling. You can be an alcoholic or an addict at any point in your life. I got sober when I was 21. I did not plan that, I burnt out. Everyone has an end date and that was mine. It's really hard. I think you know that in your bones.

For me it was 21. Drinking is no longer fun, drinking no longer does anything for me. It only takes from me, and I was miserable. I was so miserable. I thought, I have to change, I'm so unhappy! I was also on meth, cocaine, speed, ecstasy, mushrooms, whatever it was, I would do it. I was young and that was the time you just do everything that people give you. Chlorocedin, pharmaceuticals, Adderall, Lortaz, I don't even know if they make this shit anymore. Anything that made me feel different I would take but drinking was always there. And it's super normalized. I didn't really like pot. It was just there so I did it.

All my boyfriends were drug dealers and they dealt pot, so I was just like, okay! No shade against pot I just wanted to be fast.

MATT: I was in the same boat. Weed was always around but it never did what I wanted it to do. It made me tired, cold, and scared. I would rather be running super-fast.

EMILY: Yeah. I went to a program that I'm still in, wink-wink. I found a community of other sober people that I'm still in contact with today. I learned how to be sober with other people. I couldn't do it by myself, so I got sober with other people who were sober.

Being sober is like… All the stuff that I used to drink about is still there, but now I have to look at it and deal with it. It was a series of dealing with all the stuff from the basement. You know? Then it was the normal stuff like, how do you grocery shop without being blackout drunk? I didn't know how to pay rent. I didn't know how to not cheat on my boyfriends. I didn’t know how to do anything! I was 21 so maybe people just don't know that anyways but I was literally blackout wasted from age 16 to like 20. But once I got sober things started happening. There's no way I would stay sober if I didn't get gifts or didn't feel good. It's obviously very hard and sometimes it doesn't feel good to be awake all the time. Like, really aware of reality. But reality is a fucking psychotic trip, so you don't really need anything else! Being sober is way more dramatic. It's just harder. It's not a lazy man's game. 

You're awake and aware of all your feelings. You're aware of everyone else. What's going on everywhere around you. You have to learn to deal with it. From very early on, like I said, the music started the second year in and then I started touring. I was at parties, house shows, festivals, bars. I was in these environments pretty much all my 20s and 30s. I say this because you can be sober and do anything. You know? If you have a support network and enough change inside. I had to change everything, and I had to let go of being cool.

When I got sober I was really obsessed with being cool. I was young, I was creative, and being sober seemed dorky and lame. I was like, fuck! Even though I was literally dying, I'd rather be dead than lame.

[both laugh]

But then I discovered cool was a different thing. Now I'm really cool! I tattoo, I tour, I'm nice, and I'm funny. I bought a house with art money! That's crazy! And it's all because I was sober and learning how to do scary life stuff. And not causing as much harm as I maybe could have had I been blackout drunk and running through my friends and lovers and my family and ruining everything. 

I would say the main takeaway, if you're struggling with this stuff - I had to be so miserable before I was willing to do anything different. If you're reading this or listening, if you're ready your life can totally change if you're sober. You don't have to be miserable. Sobriety is better! It is scary and hard at first but then it's worth it and you get all these gifts, all these rewards. Like being able to be comfortable in my own body. Or being able to be at a party and not nervous. Being able to have conversations with people and not wanting my skin to fall off. All these weird little things that were happening that were more like reasons that I would drink. Like going on a date, having sex, all these things I learned how to do without having to be drunk. And it was just so much more. I did that! 

MATT: For sure. You kind of have to relearn how to do everything but then it's so much more fulfilling because you did that!

EMILY: It feels good! Rewarding in a lifesaving way. It’s not just like “Yay i feel so good about myself”, it’s like I feel like I love myself and I feel happy to be with myself and I don’t mind being alone with myself. That’s the shit that is priceless to me.

MATT: Hell yeah. Spoken beautifully. I think for a lot of people, myself included, once you take out drugs and alcohol and have to sit with yourself and figure out all the reasons behind why you were doing that shit and then begin to heal, you start to enjoy your own company. There’s no other feeling quite like it. 

EMILY: Yeah! I don’t know if I hated myself, but I didn’t know who I was at all. That’s a scary thing, to be trapped in this weird body. I didn’t know who she was! The person who was there I didn’t like. And then there’s rebuilding. I felt reborn, literally in a religious sense. I felt like I got a second chance at life. I can have a different favorite color, and everything was different. For a while I had all these boyfriends, drug dealer boyfriends, and whatever their life was, was what mine was. Your friend group is now mine. Your favorite color? My favorite color. For a while that’s how I lived and now I don’t have the weird toxic boyfriends, I don’t have the booze, I don’t have the meth, and now I have to build my life from the ground up but it’s not necessarily this arduous fucked up task, it’s also kind of fun because you can do anything! And I did. I dressed like a weird fairy. I would go to work wearing a tutu.

MATT: Hell yeah. I’m proud of you. That’s really cool. 

EMILY: Thanks a lot. 

MATT: You’ve been doing this for almost 20 years!

EMILY: I know! This January will be 19 years. That’s crazy. 

MATT: That’s so cool!

EMILY: I did not mean to do that. But I like to be awake. I like to be sharp.

OK we’re done! This is not my best work [points at tattoo].

MATT: I think it looks great. What’s the cutest animal in the world?

EMILY: A baby seal.

• Follow the Adventures of Emily Kempf & Dehd by clicking on these links:

  • Magictatty - Instagram, Website.

  • Dehd - Instagram, Website.